The dutchkid’s birthday is rapidly approaching. And I’m not exactly sure why, but each year when we celebrate it makes me sad.
It makes me wonder what sort of mother I am, why am I not happy about another birthday? It’s not that I wish she could stay small forever, and this year she’s certainly had milestones that we really worked for (hello, potty training!).
But this morning, I watched her put together a puzzle. It was a Christmas present and a few weeks ago she wasn’t able to do it. I was amazed and proud (and glad she got the puzzle loving genes from me). Then suddenly I started thinking when did I stop paying attention long enough for her to change so much?
It might be because as every year passes it is more and more likely that she will be an only child. And all I can do is sit there with my camera and wish time would just slow down so that I could savor it.
The weather here has turned much colder and wetter, and you can really tell that winter (well, I use that term lightly here in the South) is on its way. I’m glad about that because for heaven’s sake Thanksgiving is next week and then of course December won’t be far behind. I consistently feel like time is leaving me in the dust, one of the side effects of being a grownup, I guess. It’s worse for me when the seasons don’t mesh with the dates on the calendar. Growing up in the North there’s just more definition between them, here I feel sort of adrift.
I just had another birthday recently, and the older I get the more I seem interested in dragging my feet as far as the passage of time. Especially after the dutchkid was born, I have felt this pull towards trying to slow life down or somehow mark it at least. It all goes by so fast, and that’s accentuated when you have a small person growing at warp speed. The good part is that as she gets older I seem to spend more time doing the things that make each season special. This summer we spent countless hours swimming, something I haven’t done in years. This fall has been about preschool and leaves finally changing. I find myself really looking forward to Christmas again. I guess for me, it’s a chance to relive my own childhood in a very satisfying way. I suppose being a grownup does have some perks.