Sunday part deux

Thank you all for your sweet comments, you’re too good to me.  I am feeling better about the whole mess.

Since last Sunday was random links day, how about round two?

A new favorite classical piece, one which I had the good fortune to hear performed recently.  Nocturne in G-flat by Respighi  (Tressa, I think you’ll really like this one, you should try it):

I really would like to add it to my repertoire at some point, but sadly my plate is full.  Juries are in the first few weeks of December so I have to polish up my Haydn and Debussy instead (boo).   Maybe after the new year.

This probably deserves a post of it’s own, but I’m lazy. My grandfather, for years, ran a store. It’s hard to categorize it now, but it began as a grocery store when my mother was growing up, and later became sort of a general store/lawn and garden store once he could no longer compete with the large grocery stores that came to town.   I think  that’s why as an adult, the movement away from big box stores to locally owned ones makes  a lot of sense to me.  I’ll pay more any day to support a small store like that.

When I think of my Grandpa, the store goes right along with it. I can still see those old tiles and the woodstove, and the old walk in refrigerator, and where the meat case used to be.  He passed away when I was in college, and the store belongs to someone else now, I forget what they sell.. trailers or something. It’s hard to drive past it and see how it’s changed. All that, just to tell you that I read an interesting piece on Sweet Juniper about one of the last mom and pop hardware stores in Detroit. It brought back a lot of memories, to include one picture he has of how they sell seeds in mason jars with the seed packet picture glued to the front… Grandpa used to do that, too.

I’ll leave it at that since I’m surprisingly wordy tonight.  Have yourself a wonderful week!

Next time I’m wearing a paper bag.

Today my dh took me out and about in an attempt to cheer me up. We just went out and ran some errands, mostly for the retail and window shopping therapy, but it was a good alternative to staying at home and wallowing in self pity.

I wasn’t really going to write about it and resisted the urge last night. But since I do write about being a musician a fair amount, maybe it’s part of “full disclosure”, lest you think I am something more than I am.  I was playing last night for a children’s program, and I made a very large, obvious error in front of a large crowd of people. I thought we were on a different verse, didn’t turn a page, and therefore missed a key change and ended up having to stop playing altogether (this is a cardinal sin for a choral accompanist. You don’t ever stop playing). It is one of my mistakes that I will likely remember for a very long time (oh, there are several others, although this one is near the top).

Now I am a perfectionist, so that doesn’t help matters. I know that in the big scheme of life, this matters not at all. No one was injured at the concert, aside from my ego.

Yeah, yeah everyone makes mistakes, but it just seems like I make a LOT of them.  And when something really big happens that little voice inside my head goes, “See? You were never good enough to really study music. A real musician would have handled that better or just never made that stupid mistake in the first place.”

I try not to believe that, but it really shakes my self-confidence. There is a quote I read once, and it has always stuck with me “Music is not like religion, devotion is not enough.” And there is truth to that in some sense. There is an element of talent to being a musician.   I like to think that I am talented, but sometimes I wonder if I’m deluding myself.

I know the best thing I can do now is emphasize what was positive about the situation. For example, even though the screw-up happened during the first song of the musical, I managed to recover and play the remaining 4 songs just fine. It was not a problem with playing the music, it was more of a “technical difficulty”. I’m still not sure what I can learn from the situation, other than having a page turner next time, which would have been immensely helpful.

So there you have it, one of my life’s most humiliating moments for your reading enjoyment.  Next time I’ll be sure to tell you about the time I walked through the dorm cafeteria with my panties stuck to my backpack.

On snow and balance

I wonder if the cold weather is here to stay this time? I just managed to get the last of my perennials in the ground yesterday… I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or if I should’ve waited to see if this crazy Colorado weather will change back to warm again. I have a feeling the furnace is going to be staying on for a few days.

Today is essentially the end of my “week”, my classes are done, lessons taken and I can sort of slide into the weekend. I realized that I haven’t been writing as much as usual, and I looked at my Holga the other day to find dust on it (ack!). I’m hoping we’re finally adjusted to the new routine, although it seems pretty constant that by this point in the week both the dutchkid and I are worn out. Especially since we just joined the YMCA. They were offering free memberships to active duty military families, which seemed almost too good to be true at first! Go YMCA of the Pikes Peak Region!

I can fit a pilates class into one of my breaks between my music classes. I wish it were yoga, but they don’t offer a class during that specific time. I just can’t justify the added trips during the week, plus putting the dutchkid into more/different childcare other than her little school. I find myself being really protective of our time on our “free” days at home. I honestly don’t know how moms with several kids and multiple activities do it. As it stands we go to school two days a week, the dutchkid does dance one afternoon, and we go together to the children’s choir at church one evening. It seems like plenty, although I will admit I have twinges of guilt sometimes when I run into other parents whose children have so many activities it makes my head spin.

It’s hard to prioritize, both for the dutchkid and myself. I wish I could multiply the hours so that I had all the time in the world to blog, play with the cameras, sew and make music and the dutchkid could dance, learn to ice skate, play basketball and soccer… but in this season for me at least, music is winning out. I think I’m going to be ok with that, it feels good to be at the piano. However, I’m afraid it might not always make for such great reading! Unless I get brave and decide to let you listen (don’t hold your breath!).

Just when you think

your kid isn’t paying attention…

Today, the dutchkid sat down at the piano, with “music” she had written herself. She had already illegally scribbled on some sheet music of mine, so I figured that was what inspired the composing. But then as I was listening to her random song from the kitchen, I heard the telltale beep of the metronome! Monkey see, monkey do. In my family, music was a big part of growing up. Someone was always playing something. I used to worry that the dutchkid wouldn’t have that exposure to music. It may not be the variety of music I heard as a kid, but guess I can cross that worry off my list!

In other music news, I met my piano teacher yesterday for my first lesson. It went pretty well. I managed to play my prelude and fugue for her without any major memory lapses even though I was nervous as all get out. She was very encouraging and I think we’ll get along great…although she’s contemplating making me relearn all my scale fingerings (groan) because my old teacher had me learn them with his own system. The curse of switching teachers, I guess. Now I’m glad I’ve been neglecting them all summer.

Keeping it together

We survived the first week of school! Even though starting school was something I was really ready to do, and I think the dutchkid was ready too, it still felt stressful. I was indeed the oldest in my class, although there are many other non-traditional students in there as well. While looking at the syllabi is intimidating (final project: a written composition in 4 parts incorporating specific chord progressions) I have a good feeling that this will be both challenging and rewarding. I already knew that my lack of working knowledge in more advanced music theory (beyond just the basic key signatures and scales) is the missing link in my playing. My private lessons don’t begin until next week.

The dutchkid’s first day of school was today. When I left her this morning she didn’t shed a tear, although she did tell me in the car on the way home today that she wasn’t so sure she liked it. It is a much longer day than she’s used to. Her little school does a small nap/quiet time in the afternoon, and of course she was having none of that. She told me all about how they made her be quiet. I’m hoping she’ll adjust once we get into the routine.

It really feels like summer is on it’s way out… I’m going to do my best to enjoy what’s left of it this weekend!

Victory is mine

Since I made all those big scary decisions, I’ve been spending more time at the piano. And finally, I have the Chopin Nouvelle Etude memorized. So now I have three complete pieces in my repertoire (Clair de Lune and my Bach prelude and fugue are still with me). I guess there is hope for my poor brain yet. I’m really hoping having those pieces at the ready will give me a leg up this fall.

It’s hard to believe classes will start in about 3 weeks, where on earth did the summer go? Sucked into the black hole that is moving, I guess. In all honesty, though, I think I’m ready for fall. Not winter, mind you, but if I could custom order an extra long fall, that would be the ticket.

The dh signed us up for a 5K this next week. He sort of sprung it on me. While I have been running here, it hasn’t been very often or very far… the altitude here is not my friend. He on the other hand, tends to be a fitness junkie. So it will be interesting to say the least. He says he’ll push the jog stroller with the dutchkid, and I normally run with her, so maybe that will help? Good heavens I hope so or it’s going to be a mighty long 3 miles. I’m only in it for the t-shirt.

Comings and Goings

Just a random collection of thoughts for the weekend…

1. We went to a Celtic festival yesterday, both dh and I thought it would be a lot of fun… and it was a total bust. I had visions of a renaissance type festival, which the brochure made it sound like, but it was tiny. In a sleepy tiny town. Not worth driving 75 miles for, that’s for sure. The highlight? Watching a sheepdog herding exhibition. Go ahead, laugh.

2. My new stove rocks and I actually got myself up early enough to make arepas before we went to church. I had to eat them in the car, but still.

3. We had an old friend come to visit. We knew him back when we lived here 8 years ago. Dh realized right before he came over that not only do we live in the same neighborhood as we did back then, we have nearly all the exact same furniture. You’d think this would give me the perfect opening as to why we could use a new couch. Nah, he was too proud of how frugal we are.

4. While listening to the radio in the car today, I came across an interview with the founder of Playing for Change… I love it when there’s proof positive that music transcends boundaries like nothing else can. As a kid, I grew up watching my dad play music (and sometimes got to join in myself) and it always amazed me that he could pick up his guitar and communicate through music with a near stranger. Just the thought of a world wide jam session makes me smile. If you haven’t already seen some of these “songs around the world” on youtube, it’s worth watching. I think Stand by Me is my favorite:

That concludes my random thoughts for the weekend. Hope you have a good start to your week ahead!

bawk bawk bawk

As of today, I only have two piano lessons left with my current teacher. It’s really starting to freak me out.

I have been playing pretty well. I’m still doing remedial work on my scales but that’s just grunt work really. I have the Prelude and Fugue memorized (finally!) and of course Clair de lune. The school I’m thinking about auditioning for only requires two contrasting selections of my choice… so really I could do it. My teacher’s philosophy is that I should continue to work on memorizing my Haydn sonata and the Chopin etude and then give them the option of what they would like to hear. He thought that their requirements sounded very easy, that normally for the university here you must play something from each time period and they’re quite specific (ie you must play a Prelude and Fugue by Bach).

I honestly feel sort of torn. I mean, I love music and I want to study it, but I don’t want it to come at too much of an expense in terms of time with my young daughter. (I want to have my cake and eat it too). I’m wondering if I wait until say, December, if my pieces will have deteriorated without a teacher. I’m thinking of auditioning and then going on to be a very part time student, if they allow that. In the meantime, I’m getting ready to move and now there seems to be conflicting info on when exactly dh will be deploying. The military definitely throws a monkey wrench into planning things like this… I don’t even know if we’ll be there long enough for me to finish a degree.

I’m wondering if I am about to bite off more than I can chew. Mostly though, I’m feeling chicken-like and indecisive. It’s a whole lot easier for me to just let life get busy and not think about it for awhile rather than staying focused and really going through with it. Blah.

Worrisome

I woke up yesterday morning with some strange numbness in my fingers, and although they weren’t swollen it felt like they were.  As the day went on it advanced to discomfort, and by the evening I could tell that it was probably a tendinitis issue.

I could’ve cried.  And when it hadn’t magically disappeared this morning, I did.   The only thing that has changed in my life recently is the piano lessons.  I have so been looking forward to this.  I’ve never had trouble playing before, and so I’m thinking that it is the combination of the time I spend on the laptop and suddenly upping my hours of practice (from maybe an hour a week to an hour a day).  I had my second lesson today and it was so discouraging to not only have barely scratched the surface of the pieces, but then have to tell my teacher that something is going on mechanically.

He was very reassuring and I think that we did identify some of my problem areas, technique wise.  I know I haven’t done any permanent damage, but I dread the upcoming work of trying to change how I play.  And from now on I will always worry about injury rearing it’s ugly head.   In my making-mountains-out-of-molehills mind, I saw my dream of seriously studying music circling the drain.  If I can’t handle the amount of playing I’m doing now, how on earth can I take on music classes full time?

We don’t have lessons next week, so I’m taking a few days to not play at all and try to recover a bit.  That’s hard too because I love the pieces I’m working on.  I realized that I forgot to say what they were, so in case you’re curious (Tressa!) here they are:

Clair de Lune (Debussy) I’ve worked on this piece before, but never had it truly in performable shape.

Consolation No. 3 (Liszt) So very pretty, although the accidentals as well as some rhythm stuff make me nuts

Raindrop Prelude D flat Major Op. 28 No. 15 (Chopin) I think this one is currently my front runner for favorite.  I love Chopin.

Unexpected

While I was pregnant with the dutchkid, one of my unrealistic “what it will be like having a child” fantasies was how much she would love music. I played the piano a lot and at that time was still singing with a symphony chorus. I thought all of the exposure to music she would have in utero would give me a little one who would love music from birth. I envisioned myself playing for her to stop her from crying (I’d read that before that classical music often soothes colicky babies).

Enter reality. She was colicky, but music didn’t soothe her. She began crying when I tried to sing or play for her. Sometimes I could get away with humming, but all those lullabies I’d practiced? Evidently I was torturing her in utero. I thought it was just me, but she cried when my mom sang, too. As she got a little older, I began teaching piano lessons and I soon realized that she equated the sound of the piano with separation from me. While I taught, the mothers of my students watched her for me while their children had their lesson. Eventually they had to take her outside of the house, because the moment she heard the piano it was all over. When she started to talk, she began to shush my dh and I when we would try to sing songs in the car: “STOP singing”.

One day after we moved here, we were in the car listening to the classical music station. Suddenly she declared: “Mama, listen to that pretty music! It’s like Barbie and the Dancing Princesses!” (don’t even start with the judgments about letting my child watch that movie, how Barbie is bad for little girls’ self image…it’s all my dh’s fault. He downloaded it). She didn’t want to get out of the car. Seizing the moment, I assured her, that *I* could play pretty music, too.

That was several weeks ago, and the piano has gotten a lot of use along with her “princess” shoes for dancing. She prefers sonatinas it seems and can ask for several pieces she likes by the composer: Clementi and Beethoven. Unfortunately, she is quite the critic and I have a very limited repertoire that meets her approval. If she does not like what I’m playing she will declare authoritatively, ‘No, Mama, play the pretty music”. I’ve tried to tell her that it’s ALL pretty music, but I’ll take what I can get.

I can’t tell you how much it makes my heart sing to have her ask me to play the piano. And to think I owe it all to Barbie and the Dancing Princesses. Behold the power of the cartoon.