Guilt and goodbyes

I read on someone’s blog the other day (sorry, I can’t remember whose blog to give credit, this week has been a blur) about how they received their very first sweater that was handmade just for them. And it brought back memories of the many sweaters, mittens, hats, afghans and dollclothes that were made for me back in the day. Back before handmade was the latest trend.

The lady responsible for all that fantastic knitting and sewing is going into hospice care. I think of her as a Grandma, and have always called her that, although we aren’t actually related. When my maternal grandmother died when I was in high school, Grandma B. was the only Grandma that I had left. I’m sorry to say that in later years, I didn’t make the effort to go and see her very much, and since I’ve been married, the Army has seen to it that I haven’t lived nearby in more than a decade.

Over the past few days I have been trying to decide what to do. Of course, I would like to go home. It’s just the millions of little things that are my life here get in the way. Oh and that money thing. And I feel more than a little guilty for even pausing, because in the big scheme of things isn’t it more important to say goodbye?

I feel like I owe her at least that, for all the graduations, Grandparents’ Days and recitals that she went to for me. I just hope I can make it happen before I run out of time.

He outdid me

Ok, so it didn’t take much since we don’t “do” Valentine’s Day normally.

We spent the beginning of the weekend in the big city. We went to the zoo, had some delicious Thai food and did a lot of window shopping. I did buy some cold weather gear on sale for the dutchkid since we’re moving to where they actually have winter. I’m not normally a “shopper” but I seriously love to shop for her. It’s a weakness. They have a Hanna Andersson shop up there, and boy, was it dangerous to see all that cuteness in person.

The Valentine’s present was so thoughtful: my sweet husband surprised me with a gift certificate for an hour massage AND chocolate. Awww. This is big for a guy who doesn’t easily part with money and thinks Valentine’s Day is partially (ok, mostly) a sham. The only bad part was that all I had for him was a card. I had absolutely no idea that he was going to go all out this year.

But I think the sweetest thing he did is take the time this morning to take a photo of us just so that he could send it to his grandmother and wish her a happy Valentine’s Day (via email). She lives alone and is often quite lonely. The dutchkid and I made her a handprint valentine earlier this week to send and she told him it was already hanging up. She thinks he has hung the moon and stars.

Me too.

Honoring those who served

I know that Veterans Day is particularly meant to honor living veterans, but I can’t help but think about the people in my life who served in the military but are no longer here to tell their stories.

My Grandpa, who died while I was in college, served in WWII.  He had a rare blood type and they would not send him to combat, so he ran a PX in France.  Both of my dh’s grandfathers served in  WWII as well, one passed away shortly after we were married and sadly took his story with him.  My dh was surprised to find an old photo several years ago that indicated he may have served in one of the same units.  My dh’s other grandfather is still living, although dementia has stolen so many of his memories now.  My dh recorded him telling his story a few years ago when he realized that soon his granddad would not be able to remember.  He served in both the Army and the Navy, and was in the Pacific when the atomic bomb was tested at Bikini Atoll.   My father-in-law served in Vietnam, and how I wish he were here today so we could hear his story again and thank him.

Their stories fascinate me.  Ordinary people who served, often in an extraordinary way, and then went on to lead quiet lives.  Saying thank you just doesn’t seem like enough.  So I will remember their stories as best I can and honor the veterans who are still here to tell theirs.

So to all veterans past and present, thank you.

Over the river and through the woods…

…to Grandmother’s house we go! This year for Thanksgiving we are making the trek to see dh’s grandparents. It’s not terribly far, but a long enough drive that we are seriously considering purchasing a DVD player for the dutchkid. She hates the carseat for anything more than an hour or so, not that I blame her.

My dh’s granddad is suffering from Alzheimer’s. We were last there to see them when the dutchkid was about 4 months old (and she’s coming up on 2). He did not recognize us then, I’m certain he won’t now. It will be stressful, but I am looking forward to the trip. Mainly because I want to see how dh’s grandma is handling it and get a feel for how much Granddad has deteriorated since I saw him last. Grandma is the only one he recognizes any longer, and he really gets difficult if she is not present. Although she is sharp as a tack, (and I must say, stubborn as a mule) her health is not that great, so I’ve been concerned for awhile.

I often feel like I am a huge voice of negativity, but I get the feeling that my mother-in-law and her siblings tend to sugarcoat things. I think they just don’t want to deal with the reality that he has gotten “bad enough” to place him in assisted living. I usually end up pulling out my “I am a nurse, you should think about this” trump card. When I ask my mother-in-law or my dh’s aunt about them it’s like I can just feel the oncoming storm… and they are not ready. One day, very soon I’m afraid, he is going to get belligerent and physical with Grandma… and I don’t want her to get hurt.

They are one of the reasons that my dh getting into the school (and us not going to Korea) would be a good thing. It would put us within fairly easy driving distance of them. My grandpa died after suffering for years with dementia. I will never forget the toll it took on my mother and aunts and uncles, I feel like if we can be there for dh’s family in some way we should do that.

So it will not be a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving for us, but then again they never are!