Faith and Doubt (and Easter)

We went to the early service this morning (almost sunrise, but just a bit later) for Easter. It was beautiful and moving and the music was gorgeous. I was very glad we went early because even though they hold 5 (FIVE!) services it was very full even at that hour of the morning.

I have been thinking all week about doubt. Why I believe what I do. I look at my daughter and see how we are raising her and wonder what I would believe had I been raised in a different family. I often find myself immersed in the traditions that surround Easter…the dress, the Easter basket, the egg hunts… and in that flurry of last minute activity (I made the dutchkid’s dress this year, more on that to come) I get distracted from the mystery that Holy Week truly is. A good goal for next year, to truly observe Lent in a more thoughtful way.

I have one of those perpetual calendars with a saying on each day. This week one of the days had this quote, which really spoke to me:

Without somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal Himself in a way that would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me.
Frederick Buechner

Even though my faith isn’t perfect, I take great comfort in believing that death is not final, and that someday I will be reunited with the ones I love. Which is what Easter is really about for me. He is Risen! Which means that someday I will be too.

Money, money, money

I think I’ve mentioned before that we go to a pretty big church here in town. For the most part, I love it. The pastor is wonderful, the music is fantastic and even though it is very large, it has surprised us how easy it was to get to know a few people.

Then, the other day, we got something new in the mailbox. A glossy, full color magazine from guess where. I knew it was coming, they announced that they were no longer doing church wide emails and they were trying to launch a new “magazine” instead. But my very first thought on looking at it was, “How much did this cost?” Maybe it’s those cheap frugal Dutch genes kicking in again.  Maybe it’s because we have several close friends who are missionaries, and I know that they really struggle sometimes to make ends meet.  All I could think about was how many other causes they could have supported instead.  I mean, wouldn’t a regular old black and white copy paper type newsletter done just as well?  Something about it really bugs me, and I can’t put my finger on exactly why.  I think it’s because it says to me that the church cares an awful lot about their image.

Maybe they should.  Churches in general have a pretty bad image to the mainstream.  They often appear judgmental, narrow-minded and hypocritical.   But somehow I don’t think a glossy 20 page magazine of church events is going to change that.  Do you?  Or maybe I’m just showing my penny-pinching ways.