Life has been crazy around here lately. So far this week alone I have had one light fixture explode, my desktop went kaput and now I have ruined carpet from a leak somewhere. Never a dull moment.
But do I have good news for you. I am pregnant (!). Yeah I can’t believe I just typed that either, and it’s been plenty long enough now that I should be used to the idea. Sometimes it still feels like a dream. After so many years of infertility, I had honestly resigned myself to being a mom of one. We weren’t “trying” in any sense of the word. It’s so ironic that now I have turned into the story I hated hearing when we were doing IVF: the woman who quits trying to gets pregnant and magically it happens. And let me tell you, it is a little awkward telling people who look at you and go, “but isn’t your husband deployed?”. Let me tell you about a little thing called R&R…
We are really excited, and while the dutchkid was definitely not so excited in the beginning (there were tears, I thought it was going to break my heart) she is warming up to the idea of a “little sister.” I’m trying to impress on her that brothers are just as wonderful.
The hardest part of it for me has been the definite ambivalence I feel about putting my school plans on hold. I should be able to finish my associate’s after this semester, which will help me to feel like I’ve reached a good point to take a break. So much of the rest of my future is up in the air, tied up in the Army and where we may move, whether I decide to stay home for several years again… I have a lot of strange feelings of guilt mixed with a “why now?”. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am in terms of musicianship and I don’t regret the path I’ve taken in the least, but some days I’m worried that I’ll never go back and finish. I try not to dwell on it, I don’t know what the future holds. I mostly can’t believe what a gift we’ve been given.
I hope you’ve all been well, I am so desperately behind in my blog reading I am about to just declare google reader bankruptcy. If you have a minute, tell me how you’ve been!