So. I got an email today from an in-law of mine. Asking me to please send a Christmas list for the dutchkid. I have been irritated by this all day today.
My dh’s family lives on the other side of the country. The majority of us abide by the “if you aren’t celebrating Christmas here, no need to send gifts” understanding. They don’t send my kid a gift, and I don’t send theirs one either. And every year, unless she’s told very bluntly otherwise, this person decides to take matters into her own hands and force the issue. Of course, because once she sends my kid a gift I feel obligated to send hers gifts. And she has three to my one. Then I start to think, well if I sent hers gifts I have to send everyone else who is there gifts as well. Because I do love my nieces and nephews very much, and I would never want someone to inadvertently say something and for them to be hurt by that. It’s all or nothing with me, either you all get gifts or nobody does. And equal opportunity offender, if you will.
BUT. I realized today that am not equally offensive to everyone, I have a double standard. On my side of the family, I tend to give gifts to my nieces and nephews without thinking about it. Granted, there are far fewer of them, and we’re going to spend Christmas with them this year, anyway. But I like to send them a little something, even if we’re not there. Why do I feel so differently on dh’s side?
Sigh. So I will be sending a small present for each of my nieces and nephews this year. Trying to ease my guilty conscience about how I like my own family so much better. I think next year I’m going to try the philanthropic route and send an email out on December 1st to say, “This year, in lieu of gifts we will be making a donation to XYZ charity in your family’s name.” Or is that just as bad? I don’t know. Sometimes I hate Christmas.
Now if you’ll excuse me, we are celebrating Sinterklaas Eve a day late (ah the joys of a child who has no idea what the actual date is) and I have to go eat a carrot and put candy in some shoes and think happy, festive thoughts. I am sure Sinterklaas would not actually be leaving candy for me, just coal.
Ha-we celebrated St Nicholas Day two days early
I have some girl friends who give birthday gifts to my kids (We don’t have parties, we don’t make a big deal about birthdays to other people–they just do it on their own). I always feel bad, but we don’t reciprocate when their kids have birthdays. Brian and I talked about it and we decided that if they feel the need to give my kids gifts, that’s up to them. We haven’t ever given their kids gifts (except when invited to a party, of course). So what happens if you let her give dutchkid a gift and don’t send any for their kids, just a nice thank you note? Maybe she’d get the picture. Or can you beg off? “Oh, that’s so kind of you! But I don’t want you to do that this year. I know this time of year is so busy, just focus on your family. We’ll see you guys next time. We’ll just save each other the extra work.” Gotta love all the Christmas politics. For us it’s massive amounts of guilt if we don’t spend time with our grandparents (Guilt both self inflicted, from them, and from Brian’s parents. Argh!)
BTW, I think it’s totally kosher to donate. I think it’s a great idea. We do that for our Grandparents every year. You could even get a little creative–buy a Goat/sheep or soccer equipment or whatever from one of those CRWRC or World Vision type catalogs and then send a little stuffed sheep or a little soccer ball or something along with the note saying you donated.
Hmmmmm…for once I am thankful that my husband is an only child with hardly any family. You know what drives me crazy though, (and probably shouldn’t), my mother-in-law always wants a list of things the kids want for Christmas. I feel like if she made the effort to get to know them a little bit, she might have gift ideas of her own.
Thanks for letting me have that little rant on your comments!
Thanks for posting!! We’re still reading!! Can’t wait to see you two… – yoss
I don’t send to any of the nieces or nephews unless we get together, and then we draw names, or if I find a gift that screams their name while I am out and about.
I like the thank you note idea Beth mentioned. Just call it good and maybe they will get it?
Buying presents for other people stresses me out, but then I am a high stress person!
Take a deep breath and remember what’s really important during the Christmas season…
buying an Italian sports car for your MEEEEE
Seriously, Stop worrying what other people think about you. You’re fine and life is too short