Military Spouse Bloghop!

Riding the Rollercoaster is hosting a milspouse specific blog hop today! I’ve been meaning to do some investigating to add some new blogs to my reader, so I thought I would join in the fun (my very first bloghop, to be exact).

So, hi! I’m Ellen. You might find me elsewhere as dutchgirl or dutchican.

I have been married for almost 12 years to my wonderful hubby and we have a 4 year old daughter who is affectionately known here as the dutchkid. My dh was in the Army already when I married him, although we met in college and I’m pretty sure I remember him saying how he was not making this a career (ahem). We are currently preparing for another deployment this fall.

Things you might find me writing about around here:

• music (Once upon a time I was a nurse, but I’m currently back in school, as a music major)
• life as a mom
• military life
• crafting
• photography
• or any other number of random things that cross my mind. 

So welcome and feel free to poke around!

A small housekeeping note: Because I have a wordpress.com blog, I can’t use Google Friend Connect here, so I would love it if you would bookmark me or add me to your feed reader!  You can also find me on Twitter. I’m going to try to see if I can follow in return from my blogger account that I use for commenting.  Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to visiting you in return!

Blondes have more fun?

You know, I’ve never believed that whole schtick about blondes. I’ve always had a bent for being just a little bit different, so I never really envied the blond hair that was very common where I’m from. And back when it seemed like blond jokes were actually funny, I was always glad that I was the “smarter” hair color.

Of course, in a strange twist of genetic fate I now have a blondie who calls me mom. Today, we had to take a brief trip to the college so that I could meet up with someone to rehearse (these end of semester concerts are getting ridiculous).

No fewer than three complete strangers commented on how pretty she is, specifically mentioning her blond hair. As a matter of fact she asked me when we got to the car why people think her hair is so pretty.

I wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. (I think I said something dumb like, ‘I don’t know, they just do.”) And I can’t help but wonder to myself if people would still comment if she had my hair color? If her hair changes someday to the sandy hair my dh has now (the source of all this blondness) will she think she is less beautiful? I know, the deep questions I spend my free afternoons pondering.

Monday mash-up (midtours and porridge)

There are actually plants starting to grow in my garden! I’m even fairly certain they’re my lettuces and not weeds.

I’m glad that I’ve managed to sit on my hands and not plant anything cold-sensitive. Just when I think I can breathe a sigh of relief that spring is here, we had a light dusting of snow this morning. I live in the southern part of my fair city, and I’m really glad about that sometimes. The folks up north (like only 20 minutes from here) got a bunch of snow over the weekend but we were spared.

Also this weekend, dh started talking about when he put in for his midtour leave (evidently it will be all scheduled out beforehand and he already submitted his dates). This is not helping my denial any (aka: I don’t want to think about this now, I have all summer before I have to face it thankyouverymuch.) He wants to push it as far back as possible. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but Goldilocks has nothing on me: “This midtour is too early. This midtour is too late. But THIS midtour is juuuuust right.” Oh well, looks like the first half is going to be the big hump. I may have to eat my porridge cold, and LIKE IT.

Now if you’ll excuse me, we have a Barbie hair crisis I must attend to (I kid you not. There is crying). Have yourself a fabulous Monday!

A military child

April is the “Month of the Military Child”. I’ve seen some mentions of it here and there around the blogosphere.

It’s made me think a little bit more about the dutchkid and her life as a military kid. I used to write a lot more about military life and sort of felt like I ran out of things to say. Most of the time I don’t feel defined in that way for whatever reason. Nor do I tend to define my kiddo as a “military child”. I’m not saying that it doesn’t have an impact on us now, or that it isn’t a part of our identity (it most certainly is!). Then again, my dh has been home for awhile so that could be why as well. In my mind deployment is the big deal breaker. We look like your average suburban family until that comes up. I’m curious to see if/how the upcoming deployment will change what I write here.

But, (oh you knew there was a but, didn’t you?) when I am honest with myself, I admit that I am worried about the next deployment and how my military child will deal with it. I know that overall she will be fine, but it still makes me wonder what I’m in for. I may be an old hand at dealing with his absences, but she is not. She was just a baby last time he deployed, so at that point as long as mama (aka the milk supply) was nearby she was good! I know someone here who insists that at her age now that deployment is just as easy.

I’m not so sure. She’s plenty old enough to miss her daddy. She certainly misses Grandma, who we only see a few times a year! She doesn’t have a very good grasp of the passage of time, which could be a positive or negative. It may seem to her that he really has been gone “forever.” Also in my experience, reintegration last time was harder because of the added parenting aspect. My dh and I have different parenting styles, so I am forseeing some big adjustments in that arena.

Oh, who am I kidding. It’s going to be a big adjustment in every arena. A year is a really long time, no matter how old you are.

Noncompliant

That’s what they call people like me. Noncompliant. “They” being the medical establishment. It feels weird to be on this side of the equation sometimes, the side of the patient instead of the caregiver.

I’m having some skin issues again, I think I’ve written on here before about my struggle with inexplicable hives and allergic reactions. I went in today because something new is happening, likely thanks to the different forms of allergens in this lovely state. I had been blissfully off all my antihistamines for the winter, but I’ve been eating them like candy again now. I went in today to try to get a referral to see an allergist. Maybe finally get some answers instead of being groggy all the time from the medication. Overall my care is usually good, so I don’t complain a lot about the beaurocracy that is military healthcare. I didn’t see my primary care manager today, just someone who had an open spot in his schedule. I see now why it was open.

He didn’t listen. He didn’t care about my history. He decided about 2 seconds into seeing me what was wrong with me, even though it made no sense. He prescribed medication I know I don’t need, nor will I take. And of course no referral.

Me, 0. Military healthcare, 1.

I may have lost the battle today, but I WILL win the war.

Rainy days and Thursdays always get me down

Every Thursday night it seems that I find myself with time on the computer, but so tired that I can’t compose much of anything. It’s the end of my “week” as far as school and commitments. Sometimes I am so tired that I fantasize about running away, does that ever happen to you?

So just a few things before I go find my bed:

1) I had a recital today. I’m trying to be gentle with myself about it and let my perfectionism go. Sometimes the funky things that happen when you combine performance anxiety and memorization are just not fun to deal with. Frustrating.

2) The dutchkid started playing soccer and it’s amazing to me. This child is coordinated and athletic! (I was a very clutzy, unathletic kid which is why I think it surprises me) and she absolutely loves it. What I’m not loving is the fact that her “coach” doesn’t actually coach and so some of the parents have essentially taken over. I know absolutely nothing about soccer, so I feel sort of helpless.

3) I planted my peas and lettuce and am anxiously awaiting the sprouts’ appearance. And the dogs are making me nuts because an empty bed is apparently the BEST place to step in the entire yard.

4) The weather here has been lovely. Colorado, I take back all the ugly things I said about you.

I hear my dh brushing his teeth which is my cue. If I don’t get the chance to get back on here, have yourself a fantastic weekend!

(Backbreaking) Labor of love

Well, I don’t know if I can call it a labor of love yet. We’ll see what sort of veggies it gives me this summer.

When we moved here, the backyard was one of the biggest selling points of this home. It’s not unusual for suburban homes here to not have much more than a postage stamp, and this yard was bigger than most. It had so many mature trees and so much potential. Sometimes it overwhelms me, just because it is still very much “potential”. Parts of it have been neglected for so long that it looks like a forest of weeds.

A good section of the yard is almost terraced in the form of these beds, (it sort of slopes downhill towards the fence and around the corner to the left). I’m sure a gardener lived here once, but that was long, long ago. When we moved in the weeds in this area were waist high, to include the nice clean bed you see now. I don’t even want to think about how many hours I have spent on clearing just this section out. I didn’t want to just rototill it all in, for fear the weeds would come back with a vengeance… so by shovel it was (and I don’t own a rototiller anyway).

Eventually our grand plans include removing most of the terracing and just making a bigger lawn. I don’t really want to have a garden as large as all that, a few plots is enough for me. I’m going to need an industrial strength rototiller for that job! I do hope to keep the weeds somewhat under control this summer, though, even if we don’t get the terracing all out. You can see that I’m already losing that battle!

In all honesty, I’m not much of a gardener. I like to plant flowers, but vegetables intimidate me in some ways. Especially here, where gardening is known to be quite the challenge. When we lived here eons ago, dh tried to have a small garden that didn’t give us much…the clay soil, hail storms and short growing season made short work of it. Thankfully, though, I was able to attend a class given here by one of the nature centers on organic gardening. It gave me the needed courage to just get started, and the info so that I feel halfway prepared.

I feel a little bit behind because I don’t have any lettuce or peas in the ground yet, but then again, we did have snow last week! Hopefully I’ll get something planted soon. Let the garden experiment begin.

(and for any local readers, Bear Creek Nature Center offers a ton of great classes and many of them completely free!)

The Easter dress

Man alive, that child’s hair is driving me crazy. I hate growing out bangs. ANYWAY.

The dress. You know, I didn’t make the dutchkid’s dress last year. This year I had this yellow fabric in my stash and decided to use it. I actually had the dress done by Good Friday, which I still can’t believe. What’s even funnier is that my mom made me a dress once that had very similar fabric if I remember correctly, I didn’t even realize it until the dress was in progress.

The pattern is Simplicity 2677. And when I say I used the pattern, I will say that I used their pattern pieces to cut out, but I constructed the dress almost completely differently than the pattern says. I suppose that means I’m getting better as a sewist, but really I think it speaks to how crummy many patterns are (sorry Simplicity).

I lined the entire thing, (which was a necessity because the fabric was very thin). I finished the edges differently (nothing says that a dress is homemade as much to me as using bias tape to finish all the edges), and I also used a ribbon for the belt and had it tie on the back instead of the side. See, I meant it when I said that I didn’t follow their instructions.

The back actually has more fullness than that, my model decided she needed to hold it in the front. It ended up looking a little more homemade than I would’ve liked, but I did conquer the invisible zipper, which I’ve never put in before. Once school gets out and I have a bit more time I want to sew up some sundresses for her. I’m so excited for summer vacation and wearing dresses and flipflops I can’t stand it.

Faith and Doubt (and Easter)

We went to the early service this morning (almost sunrise, but just a bit later) for Easter. It was beautiful and moving and the music was gorgeous. I was very glad we went early because even though they hold 5 (FIVE!) services it was very full even at that hour of the morning.

I have been thinking all week about doubt. Why I believe what I do. I look at my daughter and see how we are raising her and wonder what I would believe had I been raised in a different family. I often find myself immersed in the traditions that surround Easter…the dress, the Easter basket, the egg hunts… and in that flurry of last minute activity (I made the dutchkid’s dress this year, more on that to come) I get distracted from the mystery that Holy Week truly is. A good goal for next year, to truly observe Lent in a more thoughtful way.

I have one of those perpetual calendars with a saying on each day. This week one of the days had this quote, which really spoke to me:

Without somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal Himself in a way that would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me.
Frederick Buechner

Even though my faith isn’t perfect, I take great comfort in believing that death is not final, and that someday I will be reunited with the ones I love. Which is what Easter is really about for me. He is Risen! Which means that someday I will be too.