Within the very small section of the new unit my dh is in, we have come across two families who are involved with adoption. One family is almost through the process. They are getting ready to bring their child home, hopefully within the next 6 months. The other family… well the other family is so much like us it’s frightening. One child. Fertility issues. Unsure if it’s the right path for them.
Adoption is everywhere I look lately, in things I read, people I talk to. I question if whether this is a sign, or whether I’m finding things because I’m looking for a sign. And quite honestly, I’m struggling. Currently I have a self imposed ban on talking about adoption related stuff with my dh… mostly because I know that it will push him, and I don’t want him to be pushed. And partly because I know that he just needs time. Maybe I do, too.
I think if it were up to me, today at this very minute, I would go forward. But I am the queen of second guesses. I wish I could say that I always knew I would adopt, as many parents can. I can’t help but wonder if the pull I feel is negated by the reality that if we could have biological children without any trouble at all, I doubt very much we would be thinking about adoption. Does that make us “less worthy” than parents who choose to adopt just because they want to? And if this is indeed what God is calling our family to do, why do I have doubts?
Even when I bypass those sticky questions and just start looking at the process, I am overwhelmed by the decisions that must be made. Domestic or international? If domestic, would we want closed or semi-open or completely open? If international, which country? Reading websites alone is daunting. As much as I love the information highway, it’s like drinking from a fire hose.
Clarity seems elusive lately.