Last evening my dh came home late from his economics class. This grad school program that he’s doing requires mainly weekend classes as well as online stuff. He was discouraged because they’d had a test and not only did he feel like he didn’t do well, he also felt like he had wasted hours and hours studying the wrong material. Inevitably our conversation turned to the future and this is what he said to me:
“I’m worried that they’re going to send me to a MiTT team and as I get blown up, my last thought is going to be how I wasted my time on this grad program instead of spending it with you guys.”
It takes a lot to make me speechless. I finally managed to say something about how you can’t go through life that way, and then I proceeded to try to be rational and help him talk through the pros and cons (would the masters truly be helpful in the future? Did he need it for promotion? Would he be able to finish it later if he stopped now? Would he regret not just getting it done?). But on the inside I felt like crying. I’ll be honest, I walk around most of the time pretending like the bad stuff happens to somebody else.
I miss him being around now, and let’s just say the “good family time” that this school was supposed to be turned out to be a myth. Being a single parent when your spouse is actually at home sucks. But I want what is best for his future, I’m so used to sacrificing what I want for the cause I didn’t know what to say. What are you supposed to say?
((hugs)) That is tough. I hope that he is feeling better today.
About 10 years ago, my husband was a drill instructor. It was the hardest 3 years.Our “shore duty” wasn’t true shore duty. He was home, but he wasn’t. Sometimes I think that it is easier to have him out to sea than at home but not at home. In the end, those 3 years ended up being worth it. I am sure that yours will too. Hang in there.
I think I would be speechless too. I mean, it’s stuff like that which is hard to argue with, but like you said, you have to take a step back and try to rationalize through things that aren’t very rational.
{{Hugs}}
Oh, that’s a heartbreaker. And I agree that when they’re home but not around it can actually be worse than a deployment. It’s harder to have him coming and going. That’s how I felt when mine went to Weapons School.
My husband took years to complete his Master’s and it was a pain in the butt. (Seriously, now that I really think about it, he started the process in 1996!) But now that it is done, I think it was worth it. It gives us this sort of…safety net for our life post-military.
I think you said all the right things. But you’re right. What can you really say?
That is a tough one. I’m not sure what I would say to that one. But you also can’t worry about the future is my current theory. Ask me tomorrow though, lol….