Last evening my dh came home late from his economics class. This grad school program that he’s doing requires mainly weekend classes as well as online stuff. He was discouraged because they’d had a test and not only did he feel like he didn’t do well, he also felt like he had wasted hours and hours studying the wrong material. Inevitably our conversation turned to the future and this is what he said to me:
“I’m worried that they’re going to send me to a MiTT team and as I get blown up, my last thought is going to be how I wasted my time on this grad program instead of spending it with you guys.”
It takes a lot to make me speechless. I finally managed to say something about how you can’t go through life that way, and then I proceeded to try to be rational and help him talk through the pros and cons (would the masters truly be helpful in the future? Did he need it for promotion? Would he be able to finish it later if he stopped now? Would he regret not just getting it done?). But on the inside I felt like crying. I’ll be honest, I walk around most of the time pretending like the bad stuff happens to somebody else.
I miss him being around now, and let’s just say the “good family time” that this school was supposed to be turned out to be a myth. Being a single parent when your spouse is actually at home sucks. But I want what is best for his future, I’m so used to sacrificing what I want for the cause I didn’t know what to say. What are you supposed to say?