I feel that lately I’ve not had anything much to write about, just the mundane things of life happening for the most part. I’m counting the days until we can get out of here, I’m so anxious to just get started at the new place. I don’t think we’ve ever had this much notice for a move before, and I think now I actually prefer the Army pulling the rug out from under me. But we do have some things going on. Things I wouldn’t normally write about because they are very personal, and fall dangerously close to the “TMI” category (and I have never had the desire to make you readers go: “Ewww”)
When I began blogging, I debated on whether or not to write about certain aspects of my life. My dh requested that some things remain private, mostly for safety reasons. I try to honor his requests, although since he’s not a reader I’m on the honor system (and I like it that way, actually). Since this is more about me, and I know that others I read in the blogosphere are struggling as well, I decided I would write about it.
We are embarking on the journey to try to have a second child. My precious daughter was born after nearly 4 years of trying to have a child. She is the result of what is called “Assisted Reproductive Technology” or ART. Those years were the most difficult of my life, and at that time I told almost no one. I did that mostly out of self preservation. It’s very hard to have well meaning people ask you repeatedly “how it’s going”. Almost as bad as nosy people asking “When are you going have kids?” when you have been subjecting yourself to all manner of drugs, procedures and emotional turmoil for years in the attempt.
It’s odd how my daughter turning 2 began a different kind of expectation. “When are you going to have another baby?”. I used to never know how to respond to those nosy questions. But now? I have become braver and I enjoy making people squirm. You would be amazed how the simple statement, “We probably won’t be able to have any more,” shuts them right up.
But what I don’t tell them is that we’re working on that. Over the past few months, even thinking about starting this process again brought back so many emotions I had forgotten (or maybe just repressed). Pregnant people are starting to bother me again. It feels official, as I am to start some medication today. The journey will be different this time, mostly because I still feel like my daughter is more than I ever deserved in the first place. A second child is almost more than I can hope for, but I’m willing to try. Buckle up, because here we go!