Approval

Have I ever mentioned how I crave approval? What? the angst in my blog gave me away? I finally worked up the guts a few weeks ago to send in my first pair of adapted boxers to Sew Much Comfort for the quality check.

Drumroll, please. I can actually be referred to as a seamstress. I am pretty proud of myself, especially since I am mostly self taught. I managed to whip out a second pair fairly easily this past week. So I guess I’m on my way. Next up? I need to figure out how to adapt the athletic shorts. According to my packet, they are always in short supply since so many soldiers need them for physical therapy.

Thinning out the files

Dh and I have been desperately trying to downsize our stuff before we move. I don’t think we’ve ever made such a concerted effort to do so before. Part of the urge is because we know that by moving on post our living space will be drastically reduced.

Today, after the dutchkid finally collapsed from exhaustion for her nap, I was able to go through some stuff . In our household, I am the keeper of the files. My dh cannot, for the life of him, manage to keep track of paperwork. His idea of filing is to find a random “good spot” for something he needs to keep, stash it, and then hope he can remember where it is. “Good spots” include, but are not limited to: the drawer in the coffee table, on top of the bookshelf, in the door of the car… So yes, I am the keeper of the files. The problem with this lies in that I can form strange sentimental attachments to papers, and I also suffer from the “If-I-throw-it-away-I-will-need-it” syndrome. I am the woman who still has phone bills from our first apartment and notes from her nursing classes in college. Ten years ago.

I did manage to part with a fair amount of paper today (the phone bills went). Then again, I did find some gems that won a reprieve: old library cards, paperwork from when I broke my foot, transcripts from college… Some of those papers remind me of our history, and I just can’t part with them. What if someday I have Alzheimer’s and can’t tell my history anymore? I’m going to need something to remind me.

It’s all neatly filed, surely that counts for something.

Fun at the zoo

Yesterday started out cloudy but ended up a nice day, so we went to the zoo. This is a pretty nice one, although fairly small. I sometimes have trouble with zoos, because I feel bad for the large animals so obviously out of their element and on display. What happened last year at the San Francisco Zoo just cemented that for me. However, I think increasing awareness about the plight of endangered animals is a good thing, and seeing just how beautiful many of the animals are is amazing. So I’ll get off my soapbox and get to the important stuff, the pictures!

I loved the elephant enclosure, it was big and you could still see them well.

they had a really neat area where you could walk through and feed the lorakeets

Mama Koala and her baby, so very cute.

The zoo had lots of fun interactive things. You can feed the giraffes, but that was closed for the day. They also had a farm animal area, where a goat literally ate the zoo map out of my dh’s hand. I wish I would’ve gotten a shot of that! But he was behind the camera for the day (if you couldn’t tell from the stellar photo quality). After that the dutchkid didn’t want anything to do with the farm animals. She would have ridden the carousel again and again. It was fun, and since somehow my dh got suckered into buying a family membership (the man can’t pass up something he thinks is a deal) I think we’ll be going back again before we move.

eta: Hello to the person in Portland who keeps on searching and hitting this entry. I’m not in the habit of calling out my readers, but is there a reason why you are so fascinated by giraffes and carousels?

Mommy guilt

I love being a parent. Most of the time, I think I’m actually a pretty good one. But just when I’ve convinced myself that I’m ok at this job, I read or hear something that I’m doing (or not doing) is detrimental to my child’s health and future. It just triggers this wave of self doubt. I know that my particular blend of neuroses contributes to my shaky self confidence, and since the dutchkid may be the only child we will ever be able to have, it seems all the more important to “do it right”.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over the preschool debate. I am thinking about sending her for 2 mornings a week to a preschool program next fall. I use a Parent’s Morning Out program here very occasionally, because I don’t have the luxury of family in the area, and it’s helpful for appointments. Once your child is over 2, most places that offer PMO have 2 year old “classes”. Many of them are 3 or even 5 days a week, the one I’m considering I chose not only because of it’s good reviews but also because she could go just 2 days instead.

I think it just might be good for us both. The problem is that old mommy guilt kicks in. While I’m getting pressure from some (my MIL, people in my playgroup) that she needs the socialization, others are of the mindset that it’s completely unnecessary and in not so many words, is just maternal laziness. Maybe it is. Hello, guilt. Sometimes I get tired of being the playmate, and she just isn’t that great at entertaining herself. I let her watch too much TV as a result. Having 2 mornings a week would allow me to do some things for me (like studying the piano again). Selfish? Maybe so. I love my daughter so much it frightens me sometimes. I wish I could say that sacrificing myself for my child’s absolute well being is my life goal. But if being a mother has taught me anything, it’s that being a martyr about it doesn’t make me a better parent, it makes me resentful. I just wish finding the balance of focus between her and myself wasn’t so hard.

Hmmm. This is becoming a trend.

I did it. I emailed her.

I’m so glad I did. It turns out she recently became engaged (!) I can’t describe exactly how it felt to read that email. A strange mixture of shock and relief… of the guilt I’ve been carrying around for the past few years but also of happiness for her. It felt like the chapter of her life (the one that included me, and the Army) completely came to a close. I remember having so many conversations about life, and our futures when we lived next door to each other. We had thought we would be traveling down the same path.

How very different life has turned out.

So now that’s 2 people (the other being my very own mom) who I never would’ve expected getting engaged. They say it comes in threes, anybody else?

It’s so easy to make me happy

hee hee! I spotted a display of these bags in the commissary this week and I think I scared the other patrons with my dance of joy:

I really like the idea of reusable bags, and I have been either bringing back my paper bags to be reused or using some canvas tote bags. I don’t have enough of them, though, and the baggers don’t seem to like them (meaning they would pack about 1 thing in the bag and then use as much paper as they could). I had been wanting to order some bags just like this (they’re called green bags) because they have a flat bottom, but online they’re expensive! These were 70¢ !! And even better they promote the commissary, my absolute favorite benefit of being a military dependent.

Yes, I’m aware that I’m a dork.

I don’t feel like writing about Valentine’s Day today

But it seems necessary. Does that make me a scrooge? We are low key about celebrating. We usually eat some chocolate, go out for dinner and call it a day. Tonight we have an extra special project, which was my dh’s idea. When we moved to this small town, we were sort of adopted by this wonderful family from our church. During my dh’s deployment, I could call on them for anything. They were (and are) always willing to lend a helping hand. Honestly, in my experience that’s unusual for a civilian family. They have 4 kids of their own, and so our Valentine’s project is that we are surprising them (well, the husband knows) by showing up at their house tonight so that they can go out to dinner alone. We’re going to order pizza and enjoy the chaos of their household for the evening. I’m really looking forward to it.

Oh, all right.  Happy Valentine’s!

Monster repellent

We’ve been having some troubles with monsters lately. The dutchkid happened to watch a little bit of this very strange cartoon (Lazy Town) several months ago on Noggin and I think that’s what started it. For a while she would wake up in the night and ask about “monster?”, the other day in Wal-Mart she asked me if this very nice young man in dreadlocks was a “monster”. Yeah. I felt like crawling under the cart.

A very wise friend of mine (the mother of 4) recommended this book, which I hadn’t read in ages:

It did the trick. This is her new favorite book to read. She loves to point out all the monsters, and the best part? No more waking up scared at night (at least for now). Bless you Mr. Sendak.

Dear Realtors:

I want you to know that I appreciate everything you are doing trying to sell my house.

But do me a favor, if your clients decide they don’t want to look at my house? At least have the courtesy to call me and let me know before I waste my afternoon driving my daughter and two dogs around waiting for you to show up. And for those of you who decide to show up over an HOUR after your “window” of time, again, a phone call would be in order. That way my dogs won’t scare the crap out of any prospective buyers when you barge on in unannounced.

And to my very own realtor? Don’t call my husband and tell him that people are trying to decide between our house and another, asking him if there was anything he would tell them to convince them why they should choose our house. Lady, that is why we are paying you.

That is all.

Project Healing Waters

This weekend we headed up to see my MIL. We had sneaky motives too, there was a Wingshooting and Fly fishing Expo that my dh wanted to go see. Now, I have learned to enjoy myself at these things since I am neither a wingshooter or a flyfisherwoman. Well, I’ve been flyfishing exactly once. I have shot skeet a time or two, though and I actually liked it.

Anyhow, I like to see all the dogs there as a lab lover, but my main mode of entertainment is looking at all of the cool places that I could potentially go. Lots of those lodges out there have figured out that spouses are often along for the ride and they offer other nice things to do.

As I was wandering around, I stumbled upon a booth for Project Healing Waters. Founded in 2005, they are “dedicated to the physical and emotional rehabilitation of disabled active duty military personnel and veterans through fly fishing, fly tying education and outings.” Now that got my attention! They had veterans manning the booth, and I got to shake their hands. It was very cool to hear about another organization supporting soldiers.

Never have I felt less in control of my life as I did when I arrived at Walter Reed Army Medical Center with wounds and injuries sustained in Afghanistan.

It is through events such as a day on the river fly fishing that has allowed me to regain some control over my life and limbs. Any day on the the river is a good day. The pain goes away, and for a while I am allowed to be one with Nature. ~SFC Diane Cochran, U.S. Army (from the Project Healing Waters brochure)

Let me tell you I felt so fortunate, strolling through this place daydreaming about vacations with my dh. It really put things in perspective. Something I had not anticipated about our weekend.

They also accept donations.