Speechless.

My thoughts and prayers are with the families and soldiers at Ft. Hood.

I don’t have the right words, right now I’m just angry. My first thoughts yesterday were that it couldn’t have been a soldier, that it must have been someone who managed to get on post. But to find out it was one of our own?

We have never been stationed at Ft. Hood, but every Army post represents somewhere safe to me. Even when I’m in an unfamiliar place, it’s comforting to reach a military installation because it’s familiar. On post I generally assume people can be trusted. When we have lived on post I felt safe in knowing that we were protected, that in our commonality we would look out for one another.

How on earth could someone do this?

Like a leaf

Today I had a recital, all the music majors have to play at one departmental recital during the semester (besides the big one at the end). Today was the first one, so I figured I might as well get it over with.

I’m wondering if you could see my hands shaking from the audience. Thankfully, I managed to get through my Bach Prelude and Fugue without any memory lapses. It was probably not my finest performance, but honestly does playing in your own living room count? I am far from the consummate performer. Sometimes you just have to be grateful you made it through and didn’t humiliate yourself.

So now, my Bach is retired, and we’re on to different things. I have a new Haydn sonata, which I’m gradually warming up to. I’m not a huge fan of Haydn (which I’m not even sure I’m allowed to say. Not loving one of the “greats”?! sacrilege!).

It was interesting to hear the other music majors play, a wide variety of abilities and styles. I probably fall in the middle of the road. It’s a good feeling to know that you’re in the right place.

Going forth

(on the fourth).

Today was a low key day around here, and hence I don’t have much to tell you. We ran some errands and the dutchkid decided to be whiny and cry in public but sadly that’s becoming the norm. I’m convinced it’s because she’s getting ready to turn four.

Lately, I find myself really missing how much time we spent outdoors at our last house on Ft. Benning. We had to run to the post office this morning and the dutchkid asked me if she could ride her bike, “Since we always used to.” We walked everywhere there and it was a rare day that we didn’t play outside. Here it’s much easier to be a hermit and end up in the house all day or driving everywhere. I need to work on that.

I did, however, get outside for awhile with the camera. After her nap, the dutchkid rode her bike and we went down to the local park. It’s been beautiful here the last few days. We had such a cold and snowy October, it feels good to be outside.

I have homework calling me and a recital tomorrow (!) so I had better get a move on.

Hooah

Sometimes, I like to pretend that I’m just the same as everybody else. Being the spouse of a military service member does not completely define me, and I think that this space reflects that. Then again, every once in a while I’m reminded that my life is definitely not the status quo for a civilian (oh yeah, that deployments and PCS business, ha.)

Today I have a couple of things to share. Both actually fall into the “better late than never” category. First of is the wonderful organization of Soldier’s Angels. Honestly, I don’t do enough for this fantastic group of people who support our troops. Through November 11, they are raising money for Project Valour-IT:

 

In their own words: “Project Valour-IT helps provide voice-controlled/adaptive laptop computers and other technology to support Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines recovering from hand wounds and other severe injuries.”

It is also good natured competition between the services. And I’m totally behind the power curve in talking about it, so I apologize for that. I don’t like to ask for money on my blog, but you know, I can’t think of a better cause. And if you decide to do so you had better choose Team Army, just sayin’. I promise you the ability to go around saying “Hooah” all day, which is more fun than you might imagine (why else would all of those grown, tough men go around saying it for everything?)

And besides we have to beat those Marines, they’re entirely too smug, if you ask me.

In other news today, the Military Spouse Residency Relief Act has passed! (h/t to Left Face) Finally, I don’t have to change my driver’s license and residency in every state. I won’t have to worry about voter registration. Hallelujah. My thanks to everyone who put in their time and energy to make that happen.

Now I’ve gotta get to school. Have a Happy Tuesday!

Twists and Turns

My mom was just here for a visit this past week. While she was here, we talked about the future, and decisions that you make about your life. My sister is currently interviewing for her first job after graduating from college, and we are anxiously awaiting to hear the final news.  That’s probably what triggered it.

At times, I really envy people who have a clear-sighted vision of that their life’s work should be… those who pursue their goals without doubt. I, on the other hand, am more a person of fits and starts. Don’t even ask how many different majors I had in college.  Or how many different jobs I had within a relatively short time in the field of nursing.  And while I like to think I’ve grown to know myself better over the years, I still have doubts about returning to school now in my 30’s.

Some things in life are clear to me, I have no doubt that a large part of my purpose here is to parent my daughter. But I know that’s not all there is. Some things (after much angst and thought) I have determined are not such a big part of my life’s work. Returning to the nursing profession falls into that category. Even now, studying music I find myself asking, “Is this really worth it? Am I going to find myself abandoning this when something different comes along?” Although I know that music will never completely leave my life.

When I get discouraged about that, about how meandering my path has been… I often return to the illustration of the tapestry. I hope it’s not too cliché, but it comforts me. When you look at the underside of a tapestry, it is full of threads and knots. But when you study the right side, a beautiful picture unfolds, each thread an integral part of the whole.  If it were all just straight lines, how boring it would be.

Me? I’m definitely a curlicue.

Are you ready?

Oh, but it’s that time again! That month of the year that brings my birthday, Thanksgiving and oh yeah:

Last year I missed just a few days at the end because we went somewhere for Thanksgiving. This year, I think we’re staying home, so I’m hoping to make it through. It will do me some good to write more. And when I run out of things to say I promise to bore you with mediocre photos.

Misery loves company. Won’t anyone else join me? Come on, you know you want to!

Happy Happy…

…Halloween to you!

We hope you have lots of fun trick or treating and eat candy until you can’t eat any more!

Deep dental thoughts

I had yet another crown done today, it’s really sad when you get to the point where you have maxed out your dental coverage until the end of their fiscal year. Lovely. I still have one crown to go, but the dentist assured me that I should be fine waiting until February.

So now that I’m done, it’s on to the dutchkid. I mentioned it before, I just took her to the dentist for her first visit. We went to a pediatric dentist, and while I was thrilled with the office itself and the staff, I was less than thrilled about what they found. Honestly, I didn’t want to believe them. We brush at least twice a day and have done so pretty much since the teeth made their appearance. We didn’t put her to bed with bottles of juice. For heaven’s sake she never even had a bottle.

They found three cavities, two of which were on one tooth. The dentist recommended a prefab silver crown, since this particular baby tooth can hang around until she’s 11. Let’s just say I’m a little defensive about this. Ahem. Just a little.

I’m not the type to run around getting second opinions, usually I feel like it’s too much hassle and putting people out. But while I may not stand up for myself very often, you had better believe that I will for my kiddo. We went to my dentist, who’s a family dentist, actually. They agreed with two of the cavities, but didn’t think she needed a crown. And they had me, right up until they started talking about how they fill the children’s teeth without laughing gas. Or local anesthesia.

They asked me today when they did my crown (fully numbed, thankyouverymuch) if I was making her an appointment. Um. Hell to the no. My daughter at this point is very cooperative, and totally unafraid of the dentist. It only takes one bad dental experience to change that, no matter how well intentioned. I thank my lucky stars my mother believed in pediatric dentistry. We are going back to the first, pediatric dentist.

Back in the stone ages, when I worked in the newborn nursery, it used to make me really, really angry when people would do things to babies without anesthesia. Just because they’re too little to fight you, and can’t walk away like an adult can, doesn’t mean you get the right to torture them. If I wouldn’t let somebody drill my teeth without pain medication, you sure aren’t going to be drilling my baby girl’s.

Climbing off my soapbox now. The dutchkid better enjoy her Halloween candy this week because that is coming to an end quick, fast and in a hurry. Hopefully me watching her have dental work done will go better than the stitches did. Why did she have to get my teeth?!

The newest bag

What? you’re beginning to sense an obsession with bags? You can just never have too many.

I think I just might be the last sewist (seamstress? I never know what to call myself) on the planet to finally get my hands on Weekend Sewing by Heather Ross. Mostly because I’m cheap, and I wanted to check it out from my library first before I purchased it. Let’s just say the hold line was a bit long. It was very worth the wait. So many projects I would love to do, and the book is going on my Christmas list.

I did manage to tackle one project while I had the book checked out, the Everything Bag. It’s funny because Liz just wrote about hers, too. I am super happy with mine. I needed a new book bag to lug all my heavy textbooks to class. I know, I just made myself a music bag but it isn’t big enough for everything. I do use that one for lessons. This bag is nice and roomy for all those atrocious theory textbooks and the straps are comfortable. The only thing about it is that I think I didn’t gather it enough in the center, (go look at Liz’s and you’ll see what I mean) but I can live with that! Quick and easy.

I think it’s a nice addition to my collection, if I do say so myself.

Early Halloween fun

This past weekend we went to check out our local “Boo at the Zoo”. We had a lot of fun, and the weather was so nice that we didn’t freeze while we were there. It was crazy busy with people, but lots of fun was had by all. Lots of candy was given out, there was riding of the carousel, shows to learn about the animals, and as always, feeding the giraffes. I heart the zoo here.

I could show you the dutchkid’s costume, because it was done and all… but it’s not Halloween yet so you’ll just have to wait!