Christmas, Christmas

time for cheer. Time for lots of sewing near.

I’ve always wanted to do a Christmas countdown calendar for the dutchkid. We were traveling last year, so I never got the chance to make one. When I mentioned it to my mom, she said that I was welcome to take the one she still had from when I was a kid.  So I decided to revamp it a little bit, it originally had all red stockings, but I’ve added in some others.  I think it’s fun to have one that has a little history to it.

I’m not going to put lots of fancy things in it, really…. a chapstick, some candy, other little trinkets, but I hope she’ll have fun building up the anticipation for the big day.   I can’t believe thanksgiving is next week, although I’m looking forward to getting out the lights!

The boss’ wife

You know, I’ve never envied the wife of the boss. It has to be a lonely place to be.

The wife of my dh’s current boss is well-intentioned, I think. I’ve mentioned it before, but the group of people my dh works with get along really well, unusually so. And the spouses do too, for the most part.  It’s very rare for me to participate in a lot of unit activities, I hate the drama that’s the norm.  But I really hit it off with several of them.  Now I’m not sure what exactly happened, but somehow, the tide of the group has turned against her in particular.

Many of us get together on a regular basis, we have kids the same age, similar interests, etc.  But generally, she is excluded.  When she tries to organize something it’s greeted with only a polite showing, with everyone leaving as soon as possible. As one wife put it, “I told my husband, I’m only going for his sake.”

Some of it has to do with interests. She doesn’t have any kids, and as much as I wish it weren’t the case, that really is a dividing thing between spouses. As the wife of the boss, there’s also the thing about rank (look, I know spouses don’t have rank, but it is an awkward element that still exists).  She doesn’t work either, I’m not exactly sure what she does. She’s also very opinionated, and I’ve heard her offer advice on children, which never, EVER goes very well.

As usual, I like to think of myself as an impartial observer, although I will confess that I’m glad I am accepted in this group. And I really like them, they’re not nasty people.  Human nature is a weird thing.   Honestly, though, I’ve been around the milspouse political game long enough to almost expect it.   The honeymoon is over, and this is not going to end well, I can just feel it.

For the birds

I can cross #3 off my list. My sparrows came back this morning (at least I think that’s what they are). It’s ridiculous how happy this makes me.

The squirrels are not amused.

Y observations

I’ve never belonged to the YMCA until just a few months ago. I’ve never been much of a gym person, so prior to that we always just utilized the gyms on post because they were free. A little heavy on the testosterone and loud thumpin’ music, but free.

I have really enjoyed going regularly to a class or two during the day. Ordinarily, I don’t work out in the evening with one exception: we belong to a running club here in town sponsored by a local pub. It’s very informal, they hold a 5K group run every week. We’ve been going to that since the summer, and it’s sort of nice to get out and exercise as a family. My dh comes from a family with a long history of heart problems AND obesity, so we definitely think a lot about setting a good example for the dutchkid.

But now it’s getting pretty cold.  We had some wintry weather again and it’s icy. With the time change, we’re running in the dark now which makes me nervous because the route goes right through a busy part of downtown. I know the dutchkid must get cold, too, sitting in the jog stroller, so I decided to change the plan. The kiddo and I went to the Y, so I could use the treadmill, while dh ran the regular race outside (he’s hardcore like that).

It’s a totally different after-work crowd.  During the day, the Y is populated for the most part by elderly folks, with a sprinkling of moms thrown in.   I’ve often been the youngest member of my pilates class.  However, they’re all polite and friendly, I’ve never attended fitness classes before and had people actually introduce themselves to me and (gasp) remember my name!   You can really tell that for the older people in particular, this is their social scene.  Tonight the crowd was far younger, and it was much more, um, competitive.  From the cutthroat maneuvering for a spot in the parking garage, to finding a treadmill to use.  I was reminded of why I became a runner in the first place.   I like to sweat alone and not have to compete with anyone but myself.

The treadmill’s a good alternative because I’m a bit wussy about winter running.  I’m just going to have to make sure that I get my exercise in before 5pm.

Treinta y tres

33 Things…

1. I went to the commissary today.  A cute elderly lady told the dutchkid, “Ciao”  and I’m proud to say she answered right back with a “Ciao” in return.

2. The dutchkid went to dance class and I did her hair like a Swedish milkmaid. Next time I’ll take a picture for you (and oh yes, there WILL be a next time).

3. I forgot to fill my birdfeeder for several days and I think my sparrows have left me for greener pastures.  The squirrels, however, continue to get fatter.

4.  I have had approximately 5 diet cokes today.  That’s probably a low estimate.

5.  I went to a Zumba class last week at the Y and it was hilarious to try to move like that (it’s a lot of latin dance moves).  I don’t know which half of me is Mexican, but it’s definitely not my hips.

6.  I finally went to buy the dutchkid a sleeping bag for use at school during naptime.   I was going to make one, but after a cost analysis, realized it would cost me probably three times that much in supplies, time and sanity.

7.  We had a picture taken of us as a family on top of Pikes Peak and I’m seriously considering using it for a Christmas card.  Everyone is squinting, and the dutchkid isn’t smiling, but damn, my hair looks great.

8.  I am now on facebook but avoid it like the plague.

9.  I have absolutely no idea of the rules/scoring/how to play football.  This is in spite of the fact that I was once a cheerleader for one football season in high school.

10.  I bought boots today at the Px of all places (they’re not known for their excellent shoe selection).

11.  I am 5′8″ tall.

12.  I am also blind as a bat, and can barely see the big “E” on the chart without glasses/contact lenses.

13.  I am beyond excited that I finally wore the dh down and he’s going to let me get a CSA share this next year (it’s a long story), and even better, I found a friend to split it with.

14.  I try to be environmentally conscious, but I still use plastic baggies, baby wipes and eat cheetos on occasion (oh, and see #4).

15.  I wish I knew how to knit.

16.  I hate it that I let my child watch TV, but I can’t quite give it up because sometimes it gives me some time (and quiet) to myself.

17.  I practice the piano for at least an hour every day (sometimes when I’m lucky I can get in an hour and a half).  Sadly that should be more like 2-3 hours, but it just isn’t happening.

18.  I have two labrador retrievers, both of whom were really my fur-children long before I had the dutchkid.  It’s a good thing I love them like kids because they shed enough every day to recreate themselves in dog hair.

19.  My house is never “clean” unless someone is coming over (see #17 and #18)

20. I started playing the piano when I was 6.

21.  During my childhood, I also played the flute in band, and was often drafted to play upright (acoustic) bass and/or sing with my Dad (he’s a bluegrass guitarist).

22. I credit him to this day for any ability I have as an accompanist (or playing with a band for that matter).   “Playing with others”  in a musical sense is definitely a learned skill.

23.  I was dragged to many a bluegrass festival as a kid, and I knew who Alison Krauss was long before she was really famous and have heard her and Union Station play many times.

24.  I can’t stand country as a general rule, but I still have some begrudging appreciation for bluegrass as a genre.

25. This is a really long list, are you still here?  I promise there’s a point (sort of)

26.  Before the dutchkid was born, I sang for a season with the Tucson Symphony Chorus.  It was the hardest audition I have ever had as a singer, and I still have no idea why the director let me in.

27.  I met my dh when I was 17 and had just started college.

29.  When we got married (a lot later), we lived in different states (and sometimes countries)  for nearly a year and a half until I finished college.   When I finally moved to live with him, he deployed for another 8 months.

30.  It amazes me that our marriage survived that sort of treatment, when I think back on it.  I don’t recommend it.

31.  I hate black licorice.

32.  No matter how many different places I live, and even though I’ll probably never live there again, I will ALWAYS identify myself as being from Michigan.

33.  The reason there are 33 things is because today is my birthday (and that’s how old I am).

Sunday part deux

Thank you all for your sweet comments, you’re too good to me.  I am feeling better about the whole mess.

Since last Sunday was random links day, how about round two?

A new favorite classical piece, one which I had the good fortune to hear performed recently.  Nocturne in G-flat by Respighi  (Tressa, I think you’ll really like this one, you should try it):

I really would like to add it to my repertoire at some point, but sadly my plate is full.  Juries are in the first few weeks of December so I have to polish up my Haydn and Debussy instead (boo).   Maybe after the new year.

This probably deserves a post of it’s own, but I’m lazy. My grandfather, for years, ran a store. It’s hard to categorize it now, but it began as a grocery store when my mother was growing up, and later became sort of a general store/lawn and garden store once he could no longer compete with the large grocery stores that came to town.   I think  that’s why as an adult, the movement away from big box stores to locally owned ones makes  a lot of sense to me.  I’ll pay more any day to support a small store like that.

When I think of my Grandpa, the store goes right along with it. I can still see those old tiles and the woodstove, and the old walk in refrigerator, and where the meat case used to be.  He passed away when I was in college, and the store belongs to someone else now, I forget what they sell.. trailers or something. It’s hard to drive past it and see how it’s changed. All that, just to tell you that I read an interesting piece on Sweet Juniper about one of the last mom and pop hardware stores in Detroit. It brought back a lot of memories, to include one picture he has of how they sell seeds in mason jars with the seed packet picture glued to the front… Grandpa used to do that, too.

I’ll leave it at that since I’m surprisingly wordy tonight.  Have yourself a wonderful week!

Next time I’m wearing a paper bag.

Today my dh took me out and about in an attempt to cheer me up. We just went out and ran some errands, mostly for the retail and window shopping therapy, but it was a good alternative to staying at home and wallowing in self pity.

I wasn’t really going to write about it and resisted the urge last night. But since I do write about being a musician a fair amount, maybe it’s part of “full disclosure”, lest you think I am something more than I am.  I was playing last night for a children’s program, and I made a very large, obvious error in front of a large crowd of people. I thought we were on a different verse, didn’t turn a page, and therefore missed a key change and ended up having to stop playing altogether (this is a cardinal sin for a choral accompanist. You don’t ever stop playing). It is one of my mistakes that I will likely remember for a very long time (oh, there are several others, although this one is near the top).

Now I am a perfectionist, so that doesn’t help matters. I know that in the big scheme of life, this matters not at all. No one was injured at the concert, aside from my ego.

Yeah, yeah everyone makes mistakes, but it just seems like I make a LOT of them.  And when something really big happens that little voice inside my head goes, “See? You were never good enough to really study music. A real musician would have handled that better or just never made that stupid mistake in the first place.”

I try not to believe that, but it really shakes my self-confidence. There is a quote I read once, and it has always stuck with me “Music is not like religion, devotion is not enough.” And there is truth to that in some sense. There is an element of talent to being a musician.   I like to think that I am talented, but sometimes I wonder if I’m deluding myself.

I know the best thing I can do now is emphasize what was positive about the situation. For example, even though the screw-up happened during the first song of the musical, I managed to recover and play the remaining 4 songs just fine. It was not a problem with playing the music, it was more of a “technical difficulty”. I’m still not sure what I can learn from the situation, other than having a page turner next time, which would have been immensely helpful.

So there you have it, one of my life’s most humiliating moments for your reading enjoyment.  Next time I’ll be sure to tell you about the time I walked through the dorm cafeteria with my panties stuck to my backpack.

Real.

f  what use was it to be loved and lose one’s beauty and become Real if it all ended like this?

I had forgotten how much I love The Velveteen Rabbit.  When I sat down tonight by the dutchkid’s bed, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t ever read it to her.  When a friend sent us a copy recently, I put it on her little bookshelf and so it was selected  for reading tonight before bed.  I own several copies already, they just live on the “adult” bookshelf.  The only problem with reading it aloud is that I can’t read the part about the Rabbit all alone and waiting to be burned without my eyes suspiciously welling up.  But I can usually pull myself together by the time the magical fairy arrives.

It’s my birthday soon and maybe that’s why that question above really spoke to me.  Nevermind the crying at children’s literature, which is a whole different problem.  Sometimes you really do wonder if it’s worth becoming old and wise and Real like the Skin Horse said.

If by chance you have never read this book, you must borrow it from your library immediately or run the risk of me sending it to you for Christmas.

“Be…”

…”as you wish to seem.” I think Socrates said that. Which can be paraphrased as: Fake it till you make it. Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project puts it a different way: “Act the way you want to feel”. I have found that in life this is generally true as far as emotions are concerned. Do you think it’ll work for other things? Let’s see.

Tonight I am trying my best to be:

well rested
completely relaxed about an upcoming musical I’m accompanying
in a clean house
with endless energy
and infinite patience

Um, yeah. I guess I’ll have to just let that sink in for awhile.

21 candles

In honor of Veteran’s Day…

Thank you to all those who have served, past and present.